Riding the Waves of Change
by Ruth Tongen, RN, NC-BC, MaOM, LAc, SPHR

So much has been happening in our world and region in the last few months. We likely don’t yet understand all the ways they have or will change, nor have we fully grasped all the ways we have been and will be impacted. The changes can at once feel both exciting and overwhelming. I have been reflecting on the saying from Jon Kabat-Zinn, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”

Over the last twenty-some years, I have been focused on helping people and organizations plan for and move through transitions, whether that was a change in health, corporate mergers or acquisitions, job loss, retirement, or loss of a family member. I don’t recall a time when so many shifts were happening as widely at once as we are seeing now. Whether you have seen positive or negative impact (and likely both), the reality is that transition takes energy and can take a toll on our health, particularly if it lasts over time. Let’s take a look at what we know about the dynamics of change and some simple strategies for how we can take care of ourselves in the midst of this time. 

When we look at change, William Bridges’ model is likely the most widely known. Bridges names three stages: 

• Endings: This is when we realize that change is happening and there isn’t anything we can do to stop it or go back. We realize what we are losing and learn to manage those losses. Think of it as letting go.
• The Neutral Zone: This is the stage when the old is gone and the new isn’t fully formed yet. I call it the long, restless middle. When we find ourselves in this stage, we may be imagining how things will be, taking in information that we think may be useful going forward, and reckoning the old with the bits of the new we can see but it isn’t time to really get on with the new yet. Think of it as hanging out.
• New Beginnings: Developing new approaches, attitudes and even values. We begin to understand how we fit into the bigger picture and often, we feel a sense of renewal and new sense of direction. Think of it as emerging. 

The stages are not perfectly linear, where one ends before the next begins. They overlap and we usually experience more than one at a time. We can go forward or backward in our stages, much like grief. I was talking with someone a couple of weeks ago and she mentioned how she has things all lined up to put in place for after we get “back to normal”.  Of course, we aren’t going back to the old normal and there will be a next normal at some point. Getting ready to go back to the old is a common and very human reaction to change. Another is called ‘change-back behavior’ where we will see a faction of a group deny change is happening and seek to make sure the new ideas and behaviors developing don’t work. The longer the neutral zone is, the more change-back we see.

Right now, we are at once experiencing some endings, trying to hang out in the neutral zone, and starting to see a clue or two about what is emerging. It is not easy to be in all three places when so much has changed so quickly. We will all move at a different pace through our changes, and there is no right or wrong pace, only great ways to take care of ourselves as we move through. 

In the months to come, we will encounter a number of waves of change to which we will need to be present. Learning to surf well is as important as getting to the other side. Here are some simple questions to ponder and ideas to let soak in as you journey through each stage:

During Endings:

1. Take stock of what isn’t true or happening now compared to four months ago. What have you lost? What do you acknowledge now that needed to change? How might you grieve or even simply name it so you can be intentional about leaving it behind? 
2. How can you symbolically say good-bye? Some ideas might involve writing letters of good-bye or casting something off into nature (but not leaving trash) that symbolizes letting go or floating something such as a leaf or blossom down a stream.
3. Think about and be grateful for your lungs breathing out the old.

 

In the Midst of the Neutral Zone:

1. Acknowledge the uncertainty of this stage. In our May newsletter, Fran Bieganek wrote a great article about helping your body and psyche navigate the new normal (or as I call it, the ‘for now’ normal). You can refer back to it here: https://bhakticlinic.com/thenewnormal/ 
2. How can you celebrate yourself for what you have adapted to thus far? 
3. Focus on gratitude for your heart consistently beating and carrying you through this middle and for how your digestive system is helping you ‘digest’ all the change while sorting what is helpful from that which should be let go. 
4. Pay attention to what you are attracted to during this time. These may be little urgings pulling you forward into new beginnings.

Moving into New Beginnings:

1. New beginnings may bring up reminders of endings as we see more clearly what is really finished. It’s okay to have a new round of grief or some anxiety as you embark on a new beginning. Give yourself time to do that. 
2. Take extra care of yourself by doing calming activities so you are feeling free to take little risks as you try on the new ways. Some ideas would be: getting extra rest, meditation, breathing exercises, spending time in nature, taking Epsom salt baths. You know best what soothes you. 
3. Be intentional about envisioning what the new will look like as it takes shape. The clearer you begin to see it, the more you will move in the direction of making it happen. 
4. Focus on your lungs faithfully breathing in the new with each inspiration. 

 

We are all traveling through these changes together and separately. Each day we will find our willingness, the stage we are experiencing, and our approach may be different from that of the people around us. The more grace we can give to ourselves and each other about our individual process, the more we are nourished forward. 

Finally, and most importantly, when I work with folks moving through transition, the quest is always for ‘fun and easy’! How can you incorporate more fun along the way? How can you take what seems overwhelming and break it into a really simple next step? Giving yourself ease is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself and it is a way of knowing you are truly surfing the waves. 

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Ruth Tongen is an RN, Licensed Acupuncturist, and certified coach who has providing health care and coaching for clients with chronic health challenges for over 20 years. She specializes in helping clients find their best path through health, work, life, and retirement transitions. She helps her clients set goals, build strategies, and then partners with them as they take steps to bring the goals to life. Ruth teaches online workshops focused on planning and living a meaningful (and fun) retirement. If you would like to become a client or have questions for Ruth, reach her at 952-920-9830 or email her at: ruth@ruthtongen.com