Emotional Intelligence. I used to think that was a combination of contradictory words. I devoted several years to proving emotions don’t matter, turns out I was mistaken. I could have saved my self a lot of frustration, time and money and just asked my wife but, well, you know…
My first insight began after much therapy in which I came to realize I do have feelings – ladies you were wrong, apologies accepted. Then, I realized feelings do matter – ladies, I was wrong, my apologies. Having become aware of my own emotions and coming to value them, I could now take in the growing mountain of research pointing to the vital importance of emotions in our development.
For decades we have heard about and built our educational systems and work competency systems around I.Q. scores. Only now to find out E.Q. (Emotional Intelligence) trumps I.Q., here is a little comparison:
• 70% of successful people have an average IQ
• 90% of successful people have a high EQ
• People with high EQs earn about $29,000/yr more than people with low EQs
• IQ is set early in life and remains relatively unchanged over a life course
• EQ can be continually raised over a life course
• IQ affects a narrow band of your life, problem solving
• EQ affects all of your relationships, self, family, community, work
• Of the 7 skills employers seek when hiring 6 are EQ based, 1 is IQ based.
* Worth noting: New research indicates the pro social brain shows fewer Alzheimer symptoms.
How about an example of EQ? One of the most common troubling emotions we encounter daily is frustration. The first lesson of emotional intelligence is that emotions are intelligence; they are information. The second lesson is, frustration is an emotion. Do you know what causes frustration? No, not stupid people. Frustration arises when you are not getting what you want. Say you are standing in line at the bank and you want the line to go faster but its not – along comes frustration because you are not getting what you want. The emotion of frustration is nothing more than a signal that you are out of sync with reality, with what IS.
Which option below seems to represent the higher EQ?
A) Stand there indulging the frustration, feel hot and itchy, think angry thoughts about the people in front of you, make up stories about them, blame them, then say something rude and storm out.
B) Notice your frustration, find where you are out of sync with reality in the moment, do some problem solving, make the change you are actually able to make or accept the situation is unchangeable and settle in. Repeat as needed.
Emotions are complex bundles of information from your vital organs, unconscious and subconscious mind – the storehouse of most of what you know about being in the world. It is the job of your conscious mind to interpret these bundles of information and extract the relevant knowledge and apply it in the moment. As you become aware of your own emotions and come to value them, you learn to choose the most emotionally intelligent response to frustrating situations – you may find this is one of life’s most important skills.