Cultivating Self-Compassion
By Cassandra Rose, L.Ac. – Licensed Acupuncturist
In January we roll out our resolutions. Make lists of all the things about ourselves we need to change. We get critical and ambitious.
There is merit to holding up a mirror to our lives. It helps us learn from our mistakes and gives us insights that we can use to shape our futures. However, so many of the ways in which we drive ourselves lacks the touch of love.
We deserve to be treated with kindness, even by ourselves, or maybe especially by ourselves. Who understands the issues we struggle with better than ourselves?
Because love and kindness are such an important part of healing and growth I want to share with you a Self Compassion exercise from the psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff. The following exercise is simple and profound:
How would you treat a friend?
Take out a sheet of paper and answer the following questions:
- First, think about times when a close friend feels really bad about him or herself or is really struggling in some way. How would you respond to your friend in this situation (especially when you’re at your best)? Please write down what you typically do, what you say, and note the tone in which you typically talk to your friends.
- Now think about times when you feel bad about yourself or are struggling. How do you typically respond to yourself in these situations? Please write down what you typically do, what you say, and note the tone in which you talk to yourself.
- Did you notice a difference? If so, ask yourself why. What factors or fears come into play that lead you to treat yourself and others so differently?
- Please write down how you think things might change if you responded to yourself in the same way you typically respond to a close friend when you’re suffering.
Why not treat yourself like a good friend and see what happens?
Love is an emotion and a skill. Like all skills it can be cultivated. This exercise is one of my favorite ways to build up those self love muscles because we can all relate so readily to the difference in kindness illustrated in the exercise.
Make February your month of diving deep into learning the skills of self compassion. You deserve it.
Cassandra Rose, L.Ac. is a Licensed Acupuncturist and Herbalist with specialties in Macular Regeneration, Oncology Support and Community Family Medicine.